“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side, be an advocate for myself and others like me.”
In a recent session, my own coach asked me about the times I’ve needed to advocate for myself. At work, in my business, in my marriage, and other areas of my life.
What I realized is that I have strong advocates. People who believe in me, stand by me, and support me. I’m grateful for them.
But as we kept talking, a more confronting thought came up: I was not advocating for myself, to myself.
Here’s what I mean. An advocate is someone who publicly supports, promotes, or champions a cause, idea, group, or person. The verb is the act of doing that.
Wow. Oof.
That stung because I realized I was the one denying myself.
I stayed quiet and pulled back. I downplayed who I am and what I do. I dimmed my light. I made myself busy with everything for everyone else and not the things that propelled me forward. I was overloaded and didn’t ask for help. I didn't put the effort, time or energy in on myself and my creativity. I was dismissive and judgmental of myself.
All of this was running on autopilot. What I knew was that I felt frustrated with myself. Why didn't I do those things I said I really wanted to do? I was busy, but it never quite felt like enough to see the results I wanted.
Once I could see this is what was happening, I could decide how I was going to respond.
So what would it look like to be an advocate for myself, to myself?
Being clear about my needs and desires
Believing in myself
Giving myself the support I need
Knowing my thoughts, words, and the way I see the world matter
Valuing what I do, who I am, and what I offer
Knowing I am inherently worthy
Lovingly quieting the critical voice that brings self-doubt
Putting in the time and effort to create what I desire
Making space and energy for my ideas and creativity
It feels good to write that down. I can feel the relief in my body, knowing I’m on my own side. That I have my back.
This has been showing up in sessions with my own clients, too. Even the most successful, powerful women I work with struggle to support, promote, and champion themselves. Especially to themselves.
Exploring this relationship with ourselves, and building a more loving internal landscape, is what I’m most passionate about.
When you change your relationship with yourself, you change your relationship with life.
We do this through coaching, and we do it through the Ishtara practice.
Now I’m curious about you:
In what ways do you need to advocate for yourself with others?
In what ways do you need to advocate for yourself, to yourself?
What would it look like to be your own best advocate?
What would have to change?
Try this identity on for one week: I am an advocate for myself.
See what shifts. Then hit reply and tell me.
With so much love,
Allison
PS Applications are open to work with me one-on-one. If you’re ready to untangle the beliefs and habits that are running the show without you even knowing it, schedule a coaching consultation call.